129: "At the time, I didn't think I could love anyone enough to self sacrifice." Studying the career-oriented military spouse pursuing education for career advancement with Melody Agbisit

Jen Amos 0:00

All right. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the award winning podcast show holding down the fort. I am your Creator and co host Jenn emos. And as always, I have my amazing co host with me all the way in Virginia Beach, Jenny Lynch troupe genuine Welcome back.

Unknown Speaker 0:14

Hey, glad to be here today.

Jen Amos 0:16

We had like, at least 20 minutes worth of offline talking for today we have and so delightful. Yeah, it's clear that

Speaker 1 0:22

we should like talk more offline and not only hang out when we get on to record, that's what we're being told.

Jen Amos 0:29

It's true. It's true. I feel like sometimes I should make like these meetings an hour and a half just so we have space to just like, talk. Because I always even find even after a recording, sometimes we're just networking like, Oh, you do that you do that. I just like that spirit of community and networking. And I like how podcasting prompts us to want to have these types of conversations offline. And I'm really grateful for that. And, you know, I'm also grateful for you Jennylyn, for always reminding me to, to not always be so professional, and to just kind of like, unplug and actually connect, you do a really good job, you know, kind of tricking me into brainstorming sessions when it's really just catching up, thank you

Speaker 1 1:04

say to our upcoming guests block an hour and a half, maybe two on your calendar. You take all your day. Yeah. So

Jen Amos 1:11

if you're that kind of person that likes to chat like we're here for it. Awesome. Well, without further ado, I am really excited because I feel like I'm having a very virginia beach themed day. Funny enough, like where I'm currently at in West Virginia. We have another Airbnb neighbor, who also is from Virginia Beach. But our guest today is also from Virginia Beach, so very much a big virginia beach day. So let me go ahead and bring on our guests who actually is a good friend of mine, Melody ag Bisset who actually grew up in a military household, and today is a military spouse. She also is a therapist who has supported the military spouse in research and in practice. And so like I said, she also has become a good friend of mine, especially since I had lived out in Virginia Beach. So without further ado, Melody, welcome to hold down the fort.

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.

Yeah, and I know, we talked a lot offline. So I thought I'd start by asking you, do you have any opening thoughts for our listeners?

Well, I guess as I was, you know, just hopping on to this podcast call. I have my PhD in counselor education supervision. And I did my dissertation on the lived experience of the career oriented military spouse pursuing education, for career advancement, lots of things in there. And, you know, I just thought about it when I was like, logging on. So I like pulled it up. And, you know, trying to remember, like what I wrote, and it's kind of interesting that when I did my dissertation, I never wanted to be a military spouse. I saw my mom, you know, my dad, retired military, I saw my mom, you know, like being home a lot. Like back in those days, like, you know, in Virginia Beach, or so many bases. My dad just like, kind of hop through the bases did a lot of sea tours, because my mom is career oriented. She's a nurse. She's nurse admin, and so she didn't want to move. And so she was home alone a lot. And like, that's kind of what prompted me like, I feel very like close to my dissertation, because my first page is talking about my mom. And like, that kind of prompted me like seeing her strength and seeing her resilience and like being a military spouse prompted me that when I got older, like in college, like that's when I started like researching, like about military spouses, and like figuring out ways to support them, knowing full well, I never wanted to be one. And I actually met my husband when I was like preparing to defend my dissertation. So it's kind of funny how life does, does that.

I appreciate you sharing that story, Melody, because I think about even my own experience, having been a military child. And in my young adult life, I told myself, like, even though my mom had always encouraged me to join the military, she was like, Oh, you got your ba you could become a military officer, you know, like, you can have opportunities, stability, etc, benefits, yada, yada. And, you know, I'm here thinking like, Mom, did you forget that we're a Gold Star family? Like, did you forget, like, what happened to dad? I mean, I didn't say that to her. But that was what was going through my mind. And it's so interesting, because I really steered away from the community for a very long time, 20 years even. But then I met my husband, you know, who is a veteran, and I met him after his service. And, you know, he's a West Point grad. And the work we do today is very military heavy, hence why we're doing the show here holding down the fort. And now that I'm at where I'm at, I kind of almost regret actually not serving even just for four years because I think it would have I think it would have positioned me better professionally. Not that I don't like my life. I think I have a pretty good life. But like, I just think like, wow, if only I had brought that resentment with me, like later in life, I could have had that opportunity. But that's sort of what comes to mind. For me, so I kind of like, in a way, the similarity we have is like, Oh, I don't essentially want to do anything military related. And yet here you are, you know what the dissertation and then you know, in honor of Your mom is sort of what it sounds like, and then now being married to someone in the service. But what

Speaker 1 5:15

came to mind for me is like, does anybody grow up and think, man, I really want to be a military spouse. You know, I mean, you have like, kids who play army and like, who really consider like being in the service, but I have yet to come across any military spouse, because man when I was five, like, that is what my heart was set on, like, I was gonna be a military spouse. And it seems we all like, have some life experience that, you know, throws us into this life that we feel neither prepared for, or ready for. And yet here we are, like, I mean, I'm, Gosh, 14 years in like 12 years married and 14 years together, like, you know, never having I think, at one point at a very, you know, intelligent age of 16, I told my mother that I would never marry anyone in the military. And she definitely reminded me of that when I got married to a sailor. So I've yet to hear a story of somebody who was like, yeah, that is my life goal. Like, I'm gonna be a military spouse and uproot every two years, I'm never going to have a career, like, all the things is what that made me think of and laugh.

Jen Amos 6:22

To be fair, I like I also like part of my story, my military stories that I also come from an immigrant family. And it was the military that that brought my family here, right. So like, as you say, that, like I'm coming from, like a totally opposite spectrum, where they wanted to be military spouses to come.

I never thought of it that way. Because it's like, it's funny, because I asked my mom, I mean, if I asked her anything, I'm just like, oh, like, did you want to, like, be in the military? She's like, well, your dad joined. So I followed him. Like, that's pretty much like her. Her entire answer. It was no, like, there was no like, thought out, like, you know, deep reasoning or just like, oh, he went, so I followed him, you know, but yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have been born American. It hadn't been for my parents joining the military.

Well, okay. I know, this is the military podcast. And I'm like, flipping it to Filipino culture. We just celebrated, you know, American History Month. So like, East Coast Filipinos, like came here. Like because of the military. Like, which is like a contrast, like a lot of like, the Filipinos on the West Coast came because of like, you know, agriculture, agriculture, right? Yeah. And so my dad was already in the military when he met my mom. So like, they actually were in a wedding together, like his best friend married her best friend. And so when he came back to the Philippines for the wedding, my mom was a nurse. So that's like, you'll see this, you know, in Virginia Beach, you see a lot of nurses look like maybe people. And so when my mom had just graduated with her nursing degree, my dad, you know, he was already a military person. So they were like, Oh, he should get married, just for the merit, but he was in the Navy. And she was a nurse. Wow, personality. And they were single. Well, kind of a single. Yeah, like, no, like, Oh, you guys have good personalities are like, Oh, you guys would mesh? Well, none of that. None of that. So solely because he was in the military, and she was a nurse.

Wow, I appreciate you sharing a little bit about that history. Melody, because yes, you are right. You know, like last month, at least October was Filipino American History Month. I'm curious to know a little bit more about your mom, because it sounded to me that she didn't want to make the move. She didn't want to like, you know, PCs and relocate. And so. So would you like to talk a little bit more about that? And I don't know, I admire that. I mean, not saying that for any spouse that doesn't do that is not to be admired, obviously. But like, I'm curious, like, what did you take from your mom wanting to just stay put essentially, from your personal

Okay, so, to be fair, a lot of this is observational, like, I never was just like, Hey, Mom, do you? Like never want to move? You know? Yes, I was also young, like, I was still in elementary school. My dad retired. So like, my dad had already, like, served, you know, like, half his time before he even met my mom. So like, that was helpful. And so, like, I asked her a little bit, it's not like I interviewed her, you know, intensely about this, and I didn't even interview her for my dissertation. Like, you know, I was just like having, you know, short conversations. So what I gathered was, you know, she's very strong. Like, she wanted to have her own career and stand on our own feet and like, no matter what happened to my dad, or, you know, she, she might kill me for like saying this Hello, here's your work. She was always like, you always have to have your own money just in case you never know if you're going to get divorced or whatever, and which I don't have a family history of divorce. So like, I don't know where she got that like, impression from, but then her telling me that like now that I'm thinking about it out loud, she probably had that in her mind, too. Like, you always have your own bank account. Like you always have your own money, like, you'd never know what's going to happen in life. So she didn't want to move. She was GS or she is GS, she still works for Christmas table. And she she didn't want to mess that up. She was like moving up in her career. Like doing things she loves, she found a community that she loved, you know, like family away from home. She was very comfortable here. Like, they've been trying to buy a new house for the past, like 20 years, 20 years. But like they can't because she's so comfortable. Like, in the neighborhood that she's in, you know. And so like, she was just fortunate as a military spouse that my dad was almost done with his career when they met. Yeah. And so she was like, Okay, I'll sacrifice 10 years and like, be kind of like a single mom, so that like you can, so we can get like that military retirement. And I can like stay here with the kids. I mean, of course, like we also had help, like my grandparents came and love for us to to like help with new my brother. But yeah, I don't know if I answered the question. I kind of forgot what the question.

No, no, I appreciate you, you know, sharing the story of your mom and her, you know, kind of, I guess adequacy is that word adequacy to like, stay put in one place, but also, you know, kind of deal with the, let's say, consequences of having doing that which is playing single parent for a number of years. And I think that's very interesting how you know, your mom and even till this day is so like, adamant, you know, and staying play, despite even wanting to move to a new place. And so, you know, Jenny Lynn, you know, one thing I learned about her very early on is that she was essentially born and raised in this area, and then having to meet Matthew, and go through life that you have gone through, I'm curious, genuinely, from your perspective, sort of what it's like to hear Melody's story of her mom, and then for you, you know, to have been the spouse to essentially uproot your life, you know, for the military and for Matthew's career.

: 12:24

I mean, you know, we've had some discussions about those things. It's interesting, because for the first six years six, yeah, for the first six years of his career, I mean, he did the same thing that melody was talking about, like he based up he went from Oceana to Norfolk to Nia and Afghanistan. And so, you know, I stayed here in Hampton Roads, I mean, he was moving bases and jobs, but I stayed here. And then in between that was OCS and some training. And again, like, I did not move to Rhode Island for 13 weeks from the DLCs. I stayed in Hampton Roads, like, you know, and then it was really for us as a family after so much time away, because his last two Hampton Roads, tours, if you will, like we're deployments, you know, we did make the choice to move as a family. And I mean, we went to New York and then to California. And now we're back in Hampton Roads. And back where I grew up, and you know, are really happy to be here. This is unequivocably home for me. And I'm glad to be back. And also Matthew still has time left in service. And you know, we have had, you know, talks here and there of what happens next, do you still have, you know, several years before you can retire, and you know, what happens like, this feels like home, our kids are at an age that they're much harder to move, you know, Matthews on CDD right now, so I'm doing all of the parenting alone, I'm except for the couple 48 hours, he's home here and there. You know, and I don't really want to move again, and I don't really, you know, for me, it doesn't have as much to do with career. I'm very fortunate to work in a place that does allow remote work and which is great. For me, it comes down to the feelings and the mental health really, you know, I think I was really surprised as a mom, knowing that we were coming home because both my boys were born here in Hampton Roads and my parents are here and they're very close to my parents. Like, I was really surprised when they had a lot of big feelings about the fact that we left California, and that they missed friends and that they know that I didn't think they would just I was kind of surprised at the intensity and thought, I don't know if I can do this again. I don't know if I can uproot and be, you know, like take on and help them through all of those challenges again, all by myself. because that's what the next job would be like, we would move somewhere and he would still be at a really fast pace. Very long hour like me, it would basically be CBD again. You know, so we have, as a family start having some of those conversations of like, Hey, this is home, and we're happy here. And everybody's doing well, where we're at, you know, what does that look like for us for the rest of your career? Can you base up between Norfolk and Oceana and little creek? Or, you know, are you going to do a batch? And are we going to stay, I know, people who've done you know, everything under the sun, they've always moved, or sometimes they've to batch and I think it really just comes down to your family situation at the time of that decision. And whatever happens to be right for your family, at that moment is the thing that, you know, you go with,

Jen Amos: 15:49

fortunately, for my dad, he was offered early retirement. So like, around the time, he was like, set to retire, his last four years was going to be overseas. So it's kind of like your situation then. And at the time, like, my brother was really not to put my brother's business out there. But he like needed, he needed my dad. You know, like, he was getting into a lot of trouble. Like, he just needed my dad there. And so, thankfully, at the time, you know, they were like, decreasing the military. So, you know, they offer because my mom was like, Well, I'm not going to go with you, if you go. Yeah. And my dad was the he was, but then they both understood that, like, my brother really needed him. And so they were just fortunate enough that he was able to early retire, and, you know, still get the benefits, you know, but then, like, a lot of people don't have that option now, like, now they're like, bye, you know, like, we don't want to pay you, My husband doesn't really have an incentive to stay career because he came in to the new retirement plan. Mm hm. So he's like, Well, I don't have an incentive to stay like it would, you know, take, you know, years before, like, he got that anyways. So like, Why stay in? So yeah, I was just like thinking about, like, those decisions, because my husband's in the process now of like, deciding whether he wants to re enlist, or not. He just, you know, we just had that conversation like last week, before they left.

Yeah, and I know that you and your husband are sort of in the kind of in this limbo state of mind right now in regards to like, what even next year is going to look like for you guys. So we won't tap into that too much. But you know, in hearing you both talk, and I just have to share the story. And it's going to tie into our conversation. So yesterday, I was a part of a virtual conference, and I was going to help like co host and the Internet was working here on the farm. The Unite Here was working like all day, up until it was time for me to co host and just so you know, out here in the farm, where I'm at, there's no cell reception. So I am like, solely dependent on Wi Fi. So then the Wi Fi went out. Um, so I was trying to explain this to my therapist. I was like writing it out. I was like, Okay, how do I explain that very moment where I just wanted to like implode, so I did, I was able to explain it. But the point is, it's like, okay, why did I want to implode? Like, why? And it was interesting, because in this very moment when I was trying to make like Scott was trying to you know, he was the calm one, he was all like, Well, why don't we go drive to the gas station. So we have internet, you know, but in that moment, it wasn't necessarily about like, kind of adapting to the situation, it was sort of being reminded of how uprooted I have been as of late, you know, and having moved around a couple of times, especially since our 30 day notice from Virginia Beach. And so anyway, I say all this because that moment, to me, like the moment I lost Wi Fi, I didn't just lose Wi Fi, I lost my connection to society and community into what felt familiar. And so all that being said, you know, it seems like being a military family member, there's this constant tug of war with like, being rooted and unrooted. And even if you are being rooted and uprooted and even if you are like physically uprooted, how do you you know, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, try to feel rooted. And so, you know, Melody when I think about your mom, and I want to ask you, like, do you appreciate, you know, the stability that essentially she gave you the fact that like, No, we're we're staying here, like we're staying here for last 10 years of your dad's service. Have you ever had a chance to kind of reflect on that? Because when I'm thinking about this, I feel like man, like I almost envy people who have had that who have who had been able to stay put, you know, for a long time frame.

You know, no, I haven't reflected on that. Like, as you were talking, I was like looking at my chart. You know, I have a chart for my themes that I found and I was like, oh, yeah, like, that's literally one of the themes like uprooted lifestyle. You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I reflected on that. gratitude of like, having to be able to have been here, like, rooted, but I don't think I took it for granted. So, yeah, because like my parents were really big on like giving back to the community I like, like, really instilling God in us. So part of being here, we really embedded like ourselves into the community, like, you know, like, with my family, like we were really embedded ourselves in like, there's a lot of Filipino organizations here and like, a part of that, like, not only like having like this family here, right? Like, there's a lot of giving back to the community at large. And so when, you know, like, even in school and stuff, I'm always like giving back at large so like, even though I never thought about it, it's like, it's kind of like action wise, like I was like, taught to act on like the gratitude, if that makes sense. I love that. Just like not that I think about it. Like, that kind of hit me when you asked me that. I don't know why it hits so hard, like, just not realizing like, because I just saw it through the lens of like, Oh, my mom wanted to keep her career. Like I didn't see it through the lens of like, how does that affect me? Like I never thought about, oh, what might it be like for me to go into a different school or like go to a different city or different town? Like I never thought about that until like this moment? And that's kind of surprising to me.

Oh, well. I'm glad I caught you off guard. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, obviously, there's, there's a lot to contemplate on that.

: 21:43

It's interesting listening to both of you coming from a military child perspective, that is very different one moved one, you know, stayed pretty rooted. And to be a mom of military children, myself, who have been uprooted numerous times, like Yeah, because even though we've only lived in two other states, other than Virginia, even within those duty stations, like we moved houses because of rental agreements, and this and that, and the other and so there were like, micro up routings within, like the giant move itself, you know, and it was, yeah, as a mom, I mean, I think that's why we've started the conversation about what happens after this current, you know, tour. Because it was the, it was the smallest of our moves, actually, that made the biggest impact on our kids. Because it was the one more thing, right, like, we moved cross country in 2016. And in 2017, we bought a house across the street from the one we were living in. And that move, like, caused more reaction from our kids, then the move from Connecticut to California, because it was like the one more thing, like, we just gotten resettled, and here we go uprooting again. And literally, I mean, we can see one house from the other, like, they were in the same neighborhood, they went to the same school, we could still hang out with the same people. But it was like, you know, just that was the one more thing and so it's interesting to hear you both talk about your own childhood as military kids, as I like, try to parent to military kids having not had that background, I grew up in Hampton Roads, but the Navy was that thing over there that inherently I think made me feel a little safe. And also, when I listened to the radio was like, Thank God, I never have to get on 564 Like those awful, like, how horrible for those people. Like it was very separate from because I grew up, you know, more inland, the Norfolk and Virginia Beach. And, you know, so I was the person that grew up rooted, like, I went to the same church in the same school, and I have friends and you know, that I've known literally my entire life and like, that's just not a reality my kids have. And so it's interesting to parent in a way that tries to help them feel rooted, because that's my background when we continually uproot. And like, where's the where's the balance between, like, we need to be both flexible. And also, I want you to feel safe and secure and have roots somewhere.

Jen Amos: 24:28

Yeah. Oh, this is like getting me to realize a lot of things to this conversation. Like, you know, I like hearing both of your stories, like both of you, in a sense come from a very rooted background, where, you know, the start of my first decade of my life is moving around, you know, just like with your kids Jennylyn. And it's interesting, because it's like, I feel like wanting to settle somewhere, is like, oddly enough, the scariest thing I could ever do, it's so scary because like I'm so used to just like my, you know, my foundation constantly shifting die? Yeah, that it's almost like, I'm almost afraid I'm afraid of like, well, what if I land somewhere is am I How long am I going to be there for you know, and so, you know, having been traveling in these last couple of months has really been challenging that idea, but I know for certain that no matter what, and I feel like what I'm getting from this conversation is no matter what, we all want to feel grounded somewhere, you know, whether it's within ourselves within our family within, you know, physical place. And I think the military community is like a constant reminder of, I guess, the value of stability, you know, in a very unstable environment. And so that's pretty much what I started gathered from this conversation. So on that No, I think And speaking of, you know, kind of that that shifty foundation, you know, being of a military family member, Melody, this is the first time I heard about this from you offline, but you actually wrote, and you mentioned this earlier, in our conversation, you wrote a dissertation, specifically about career military spouses, and, you know, they themselves wanting to pursue a career. So I'd love to hear more of this. Because, you know, really, as the show, as we continue to develop the show, the more I tend to find my happy place, working with Korea, great families, so I'd love to get kind of get your explanation of your dissertation and everything. Okay. Yeah,

I had to fight really hard for all those four pieces, the career oriented military spouse pursuing education for career advancement, because that's like four, you know, like factors, right? Yeah, they're like, that's really hard. Like, they wanted me to take one of those things out. And I was like, No, but that's the specific population I want to study. I wanted to study, like someone who's career oriented, like, who values their career, like, who is a military spouse? Who is in school, like, that was the one I pick because I could pick anyone, right? But like, in school, for career advancement. So basically, I wanted to deal with a military spouse who isn't working just to have a job and just to have money, right. Like, I wanted to find someone who was like, pursuing their passions, who like, it was like, part of their identity. Who, you know, like, you know, someone like me, or like someone like my mom, like, yeah, you know, nursing to my mom isn't just a job, right? Like, because like, there are the military spouses who work are not just military spouses, there's the people who work just like civilians, right? Like people who like, oh, this thing makes me money. I'm gonna do it to survive, right? Like, I value that, but like, that wasn't the population I was the driver,

like, you're seeking out kind of the spouse that was wanted to have a sense of purpose, sense of purpose in their career. Yeah.

ight? Like, I graduated like,: 2019

Yeah, genuine, I want to turn it to you. Because despite your educational background, you have still as an active duty military spouse been able to find a purposeful career. And so I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this.

: 31:13

First, let me just say that word self sacrifice hit a little too close to home. That has been, you know, in my less healthy years, that has been something that I probably dislike the most about this lifestyle, because I felt like it was not valued not solely by my spouse, but like, from the organization in general. And I think, you know, there are a lot of things being done a lot of changes being made. So that as like organizations like the Navy, the army, the DOD, like in general, like they are making strides to make family life and spouse life easier and less self sacrificial. And so first, let me say, I'm happy about that. And also that hits very close to home, because there have been times when I was not as healthy as I am now that that became the thing that like I was hanging up on, I don't have this because I did this, I can't do this, because of your career, I don't get to do you know, and it went on and on and on. We've talked about on this show many times that the career I have now has, looks nothing like what I thought it was going to look like when I got my undergraduate degree or when I got my master's degree. But I don't do either of those things now. And also, I love what I do so very much, because of the military community, I'm a part of like, I cannot imagine going back to being like the 22 year old graduating from college, like and telling her, Hey, one day, you're going to do outreach for like, a nationwide military mental health company like in that you're gonna really love it, and really be passionate about it, and really, really be happy about the people that you get to help from what you do. So, I mean, that is the flip side of military life. For me, that takes me out of that self sacrificial, like everything I do is because of this, like, No, this is something I get to do because of the community that I'm a part of, and that I love very dearly.

Jen Amos: 33:33

Thank you, gentlemen. Thanks for always being the emotional one. That our conversation. Sorry, no, I think it's beautiful. And, you know, I think and theme of talking about community, I think that's what we do, right? It's like, whatever you studied back in college, I think there was sort of this expectation, like you were studying that with the anticipation that you were going to serve a particular community. You know, Little did you know, that the military life would, you know, throw you in for loop. And yet, even though you're not using your degrees, you're still serving a community. And I think that is why you feel purposeful and emotional about it. Yeah.

: 34:11

Well, I truthfully, I like this much better than what I went to school for, like, I mean, in that that's really like, where I hope that I love melody, that your research went to people who are like pursuing higher education for their job like that they love something that much that they're willing to continue to learn about. I feel that way now about what I do. And I did not feel that way about the things that I paid to have two degrees you know, so I mean, there's definitely like the flip side of that, like, I mean, I get 1000 invitations to like military mental health conferences these days. And I'm like, how many of these can I go through and still, you know, do all the things I need to do?

Jen Amos: 34:52

Yeah. Wow, what a conversation I find myself like pausing a lot and getting our listeners don't know this and Dennis is a great editor, because I am just so pleasantly surprised with how this conversation has turned out. And I feel very full from it already. And it's so funny because I thought I was gonna ask her typical, I mean, our typical but not typical hold down the four questions, but we never get to them because we always end up with like different conversations. But anyway, other than that melody with everything that you shared so far, having grown up in a military household and being a military spouse today, and having done this dissertation, what's next for you? Like, where do you see yourself going from here?

Well, one, I think that merits like being invited back. That's kind of a loaded question for me right now. Just because I don't know.

That's for response as a response.

Yeah. Like, you know, I did life weird. It took me a decade to get my PhD to do this dissertation. And, you know, like I love serving the military population. I love the military spouse. You know, I talked about like, my Filipino culture a little bit like I love that population and love serving women. And another passion of mine is like leadership. Like I just love to build up people no matter like what, what I'm doing. So I have a brand mahalo wellness. And I'm looking to expand that more. So like with Mila mahalo wellness, I do more like coaching, consulting. So like, with counseling, I work for a practice, but like, I also do this like freelance stuff on the side, where I give trainings on mental health and leadership and wellness. I've done this, like globally, and I want to just do that more. I'm thinking of going to open mic tonight. Oh,

I wish I could be there.

I know. You come

Okay, y'all gonna like drag me to all of your events that are back in town. Okay. Anyway, get back in.

Like, part of melon mahalo wellness, just a little if I have a little time. It means purpose, love and gratitude. So mellow, short, for melody, my name, little self serving, but like, I believe that we all have a melody of our heart, like we all have like something, a song to give to the world, like to make the world a better place. And then mahal means love into Gala. Like in Filipino. And so like if we surround ourselves with people of beings that we love. And then mahalo is like, Thank you gratitude in Hawaiian. And if we're, like, thankful for the things that we have, like, we'll have a more fulfilling life. So like, part of my brand is to help strengthen those three parts in you. So I think that's where I'm going next. Because kind of like with military, like, as you were saying, your story Jennylyn. Like, I was thinking, like, one of the studies that I pulled into my dissertation was like, the mental shift from like, career ladder to cover lattice. And where it's like, you know, not just military spouses, but anyone, as you were saying, you're not using your degrees, like, kinda like most people, like, don't use their degree, like 50% of people don't do what they went to school for, right. But like, under the career lattice model, it's like, all the experience you have, it comes back, it just adds to, to your career and to who you are, and to your experiences. And so, I mean, I love being a therapist, but I went into my master's degree at a private university, knowing that I didn't want to be a therapist full time. Sometimes I don't even want to be a therapist part time. And it's not because like, you know, I don't love like helping people. It's because like, there are other ways I want to help people to like, my open mic night, like, I have all these poems that sometimes I use my poems in my therapy, like, they're going through something, oh, I have a poem for that. I'll like, perform it or recite it, like, during session, and it just like it hits you. Like, there's so many different ways like you can help people grow other than like cop therapy, which I think everyone should go to talk therapy.

We're big on mental health here. So yeah,

sometimes we don't disagree. I'm very big on that. But like, in my heart, like, I want to use my other talents and skills to help people like I'm in the process of writing two books, or one poetry, one on like, my model of mental health and wellness. And so I want to grow that. I don't want to grow that more. I feel like the more I talk about it, the more it will force me to do it.

And that's why I bring you on the shows because it's like I'm, I'm holding you accountable in a weird way. Yeah. And you know, to our listeners, if you want to hear a previous interview I did with Melody, I'll provide that in the show notes for all of you. But melody, I'm so excited for you. And I'm so glad that you know I had a chance to catch up with you in this fashion again, and I'm just excited for your journey and you know, kind of what that big question mark in your next chapter of your life is going to look like?

: 40:00

You look so happy talking about where you want to go from here. And Jen and I will first sure hold you accountable. Also, I love the career lattice. Like as you were talking and talking about experience, I think about my own resume, which I actually start with, that I'm an active duty military spouse, because I have so much volunteer experience there. And I lit like, and it really is like, Sure. I mean, I joke that I don't use either my degrees, actually I do because they're part of my life experience. Like I was a teacher, which I still, that's one of the things I still love about mental health. Like I like teaching about it, not in the same way I taught first grade, but like, you know, still use it. And I just, I love that. And, you know, I think everybody can always change and grow and do things a little differently. And you're going to take those other things and, you know, congrats to you for like moving forward with new things. I just did a new thing that I'm not quite ready to say out loud on the podcast what it is, but I've also done a new thing. And, you know, it's another piece of that list similar to you. Like, I really love this. I love podcasting. I love being an outreach coordinator for the Coen veterans network. And I also love like writing and storytelling, and I think all of those Hold Value and help people in completely different ways, and also sometimes the same.

Jen Amos: 41:21

Yeah, I love it. Awesome. Well, on that, note, I wish we can keep talking. But melody that says been wonderful to reconnect with you and to get a snapshot of your life today. And like I said earlier, I'm really excited to see what the next chapter of your life is going to look like. And I can't wait to hang out again. out there. But yes, we're going to go ahead and wrap up melody. Do you want to let people know is there a particular website or where you want people to get a hold of you if they want to reach out?

I definitely hadn't paid for my website since the pandemic, but you can connect with me on my instagram mellow Mahalo and El OMAHALO. And I don't post that much. But hopefully my launch will be. I did a soft launch like four years ago, but put off my big launch. So hopefully that will be within the next few months. And that will be announced on there. So yeah, Instagram.

We'd love it. Well, Melody, thank you so much for your time and of course genuine thank you for CO hosting and to our listeners. Thank you for listening. We hope you got a lot out of today's conversation. And with that said we will chat with you in the next episode. Tune in next time