014: "You’re never alone, that’s for sure." Finding local groups and resources for military spouses with Sarah McLeod

Jen Amos 0:00

There's no need to wait on your service member to share a second hand information anymore. Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show where we put military spouses and children's needs front and center so that they can make informed decisions together as a family. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. Let's get started.

All right. Hi, everyone. Jen amo is here with holding down the fort podcast show. And I'm excited because every time I do another show, it means that I get to interview someone. Amazing. That's part of our military, family and military community. And so let me introduce you to Sarah McLeod. She's a military spouse, mom of two, and the lifestyle blogger of chaos and camis. Sarah, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 1:02

Hi, Jen. Hi, everyone. Thanks so much for having me on.

Jen Amos 1:05

Yes, it's our absolute pleasure. Why don't you share? How did you hear about the show, and more importantly, what inspired you to be on our show today?

Speaker 1 1:14

So I heard about the show via Instagram, I do have a public profile, chaos and kameez where I, I share parts of our life and some of our military lifestyle. And so I've listened to a few of your podcasts and what to help share some of the resources and information that I know from being marine spouse, and hopefully help other spouses get involved.

Jen Amos 1:38

Yeah, easy enough. I've recently had this epiphany. And the last couple of days, that it's very, what I've been told is that there's a lot of resources, and education really out there that's available and free for military families and the overall community. However, a lot of people don't seek it out. And I think what I have found in doing the show is that people are more likely to take on something like check out a resource or look up something, if someone recommends it to them, if one of their peers or someone that's like them, Rex recommends it to them. And I feel like that's what the show is about is just having people in our community to just share their life and what's been working for them. And hopefully that way it'll have other people will be like, you know, I think I will try that out now that she's mentioned it.

Speaker 1 2:31

Oh, yeah, I totally agree. There's no need to feel like you're alone, because there's so many other people that have been in the same circumstances you have and been in your shoes and know what it feels like. So

Jen Amos 2:44

yeah, absolutely. So Sarah, for people who are getting to know you for the first time and they have yet to read your blog, chaos and camis why don't you share a typical day for you? More importantly, what keeps you busy and most excited about life nowadays?

Speaker 1 3:02

A typical day. So I have two little girls, Charlotte, who is three and Claire who just turned two. Yes, they're super close in age when we moved to Quantico, found that we were pregnant like a month later, and so they are 19 months apart. So it's actually been a blessing, but it definitely keeps me busy and tired. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. So they get up at the crack of dawn and Charlotte's now in preschool for the first time three days a week. So we take her to preschool on some days. And I actually joined a fitness group here in Charleston, that is actually run by another military spouse. It's called fit for mom Charleston. And the owners named Erin didn't Nicola and she has four kids. And also she's, she's remarkable. So if you are in the Charleston area, definitely check that out. So I'll take either just Claire, but girls and we usually do a workout or we'll go to the library or public library has a great storytime. I tried to keep them entertained like out of the house. And then we love doing picnics outside. It's beautiful. I sometimes nanny a little bit on the side and make a little bit of money. But I love being home with them. They're my focus. And we're actually no longer living off base. We actually live on a college campus now on military college campus, so it's a little different. Wow longer. Yeah, it's it's pretty wild. But it's it's a lot of fun. It's different being surrounded by cadets and I feel like the girls have always been surrounded by people in uniform. So not much has changed. There is no compensatory, but there is a Chick fil A so that just less.

Jen Amos 4:40

There you go.

Speaker 1 4:43

Well, and then my husband, so he took a job here. So he's actually he's now in the reserves. So he's gone back and forth from active duty to reservists back to active duty and now he's nervous. He's still versus camouflage. And tell you drills on the weekend. Oh, Not every weekend, just once a month. So just a little different. But we're still very much though in that military lifestyle.

Jen Amos 5:07

Yeah, definitely. Do you feel like there's been dramatic change in lifestyle since your husband joined the Reserves? Or has it been sort of the same?

Speaker 1 5:17

Oh, yes, it's been dramatic because we moved from on say, we were we lived in Quantico, and we lived on base, because his original orders, there were only six months. So instead of looking for short term rental, we were fortunate enough that they had housing available for us. So we lived there, and it ended up six months to a year, his his original orders kept getting extended every six months. So we ended up being there almost three years. And I know some people don't have as great of an experience as we did like living on base. But we really did love being on base close to everything, the community, it was wonderful. Granted, we did live in a four storey townhouse that was a little rough with two under two. But you adapt and overcome through just grateful for what you have and that your husband gets to come home every day is the biggest blessing.

Jen Amos 6:10

But You sound very fortunate. I know a lot of service members, I think about even my own dad when he served, he'd be gone months at a time. And so to be able to see your husband quite frequently is, is really a blessing.

Speaker 1 6:24

Oh, yeah. So these his last orders were a little different from his first four years of active duty where he was gone. He was gone months at a time he did tons of work up to deployment. And that's one reason we waited six years before we even had children or even started trying for children. Because I couldn't imagine him not being there. Yeah, through their birth and birthday, that I mean, I know tons of people do it and like kudos to them. But I at the time didn't think I was strong enough to do that. So

Jen Amos 6:57

yeah, and it's a family decision to it's, it's a sacrifice that you make. And it's like, if you want him to be around, then yeah, you have to wait a while before you can do that. I grew up as a military child. And that's one thing that I look back on is thinking like, like how I had more time with my mom, because she I mean, she wasn't a stay at home spouse, she was working. But I spent more time with her than my dad. And I only saw my dad for a couple weeks at a time before he got deployed again. And a lot of my life, because I lost him when I was young. I defined a lot of my life based on not having him based on like the little time I had with him. And so I've turned that around, I ended up seeing it as a blessing in the long run. But if you can, if a couple can be there to raise both your kids together. Like I think it's just more powerful. I don't know the stats, but I hear that kids are more likely to be successful in life, if both of their parents aren't around. I also wanted to add that I think it might be better that you have two daughters than two sons. Because I know I know little boys can be really rambunctious.

Speaker 1 8:08

Little girl maybe the fighting won't be as bad but they have really ramped up their fighting lately. So Oh, no, we play well, but then they can they can fight this. So

Jen Amos 8:25

yeah, I think they'll get super close in the future, hopefully. And like my sister and I were like five years apart. But we're super close. And I think there's a special bond with sisters. So crossing my fingers for you.

Speaker 1 8:42

Yeah, I have three sisters. And we're pretty close to we do. Just you want the truth. They can be brutally honest.

Jen Amos 8:53

That's so funny. And how do you tie How do you find the time to to nanny

Speaker 1 8:58

right now I keep a little girl just one day a week. And so it's nice. It's like a one day that like stay at home. Just kind of throw her in the mix. She's a little scared of my youngest because she tends to be a little, I understand to be a little loud. I've actually written about that on my blog a few times. He's got to set his lungs on her. But it's nice to have that a little bit of extra income without having to you know, go out into the workforce, find childcare. I'm very fortunate that I don't have to you know, we may come in so I don't have to do that right now. I will eventually want to go to school, but right now this is what works for us. And I yeah, I love kids. I used to say I wanted five until I had my own money. I'm sure that would be awesome. But kids are expensive.

Jen Amos 9:46

I can I can only imagine when I see people like when I have when I see my peers have four kids under 10 years old. I just wonder how I just Well first of all, I'm Just an admiration. I'm just like, wow. But I've definitely seen people make it work. One of my girlfriends, she runs a jujitsu gym, and all of her kids go to jujitsu with her so that that's kind of their playground. And then and then I know another friend of mine who also has four kids for seems to be the lucky number. She homeschools her kids and they do life together. And I think my husband, I don't have kids yet. But I would hope that when we do, it's, it's a good place where we can do life together and do business together and just kind of do a lot of things together. As opposed to my even my own upbringing, where even if my mom was available, she would send us to childcare because she was a working mother. So until then, really, really cool that you get to spend the time that you can with your daughters, and even have a net like even nanny for someone else, you could spend time with your daughters. All right, now we're going to take a quick break to introduce one of our sponsors. Let's Get Real. The government our education system, the financial industry and corporations are focused on the masses, they don't have your best interest in mind. You need to take responsibility of your future and stop following orders when it comes to your personal finances. The first step is to stop focusing on money and focus on your true purpose. Wealth is achieved by those who are following their passions. It's a mindset shift from scarcity to abundance. There's no better time in human history to use the Liberty you fought for to live a life of meaning. US Fed wealth was founded by a West Point graduate who became disillusioned by the government benefits and traditional financial planning advice that is decades behind the times. Our clients recognize us as the only trusted financial resource able to educate them on the full spectrum of opportunities available to veterans today. By thinking beyond the standard financial advice of buying a home, sending kids to college and retiring. We help the 1% who serve our country become the 1% who influence it. See if you qualify for wealth and liberty strategy today, simply visit us that wealth.com That's us as in the United States that short for veteran wealth.com us but wealth.com

: 12:18

Yes, I've definitely count my blessings. I wanted to be a mom my entire life. This is just really like a dream come true. I know how how wild and crazy they are, but I fully embrace it. Love just loving the season of life.

Jen Amos: 12:35

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's, that's really awesome. I, like always wanted to be a mom. But right now we just have a dog. And he's already a handful. He has separation anxiety, and my husband and I work from home. And so we never trained him to be alone. So when we, when we leave, we usually have to get a dog sitter or take him to daycare, because otherwise the time that we had left him at home, oh my gosh. Like he just like, jumped out of his skin whenever we'd come home. Like he just I think he was Yeah, I think he just felt really unsafe when he wasn't around us. So we've learned to work around it. And if anything, we've we kind of thank him for that because we we get so much more done like not really having a social life because of so there's like it's plus or minuses but I think more pluses than minuses and anyway, it's it wasn't my idea to get a dog. It was my husband's but I but I I've learned to love love my dog. He's basically my child.

Unknown Speaker: 13:42

Oh, yeah. Good practice.

Jen Amos: 13:45

Yeah, I hope so. I know that dogs, like you can't compare them to children, like at all. But the fact that we spend all this time with our dog, and we've adjusted our life to accommodate our dog, which is it sounds crazy. And I'm sure some people think it's crazy that we do that. But yeah, you really learn how to make life work when you can't leave a dog alone. So I imagine kids are the same way.

: 14:12

standing by the door waiting for my husband to walk in. So I could jump on this call. I was like, Please, please. I don't know what's going to happen. If you get here in town. Ah, it'd be a lot noisier.

Jen Amos: 14:26

Oh, yeah, usually when my dogs in the room, I tried to warn people like hey, he might bark during the call. So I might need to take a step back to like kick him out of the room. But he's not here with me right now. So it's a good day. Yeah, well, awesome. Thank you so much, Sarah, for sharing your life a little bit about family and daughters and what you do to earn extra income and just overall, just your joy of being a mother. So now we're gonna get to my favorite part of the show, which is really about sharing an educational topic, too. military spouses and families. And so today you wanted to talk about how can you get involved and how to use the resources that are available to you, especially if you're a military spouse or a family, really just trying to maneuver wherever you live or get PCs to. So I'd love to kind of get your insight on that. And yeah, hear more from you on, on how people can do that.

: 15:25

Okay, great. So I'll give you a little bit of background. So cliff, and I got married and, and we've got married in Charleston, and he had just finished OCS in tbs in Quantico, Virginia. And then he was stationed at Camp was in Jacksonville, North Carolina. And he was there. And once we got married, I moved up there. I didn't know a soul besides town, and I had no job. I recently graduated from college. So I felt really alone. And there weren't many of his friends that were married at the time either, but didn't really have many people to turn to ask for help. And then he deployed on a 12 Ever noticed he was in an air contingency battalion in the last day of the month of February. And he got called out and so like, the whole month, he's like I could possibly go could not. Once we rent like headed towards the end of the month, like now there's no way we're going to bam, they're gone. So I was left all alone. I figured out like our lease was about to be so hard to figure out what to do with that moving home and stuff. But I just felt so alone. I didn't. I didn't know how to get involved. I didn't reach out to the fro. So then he came back, I actually was home for that three month period. And then this back, I didn't knew how struggling school which I did want to share about the life ca program. It's available to spouses of active duty, I think some reservists qualified for it too. But your Iwan three, five or one or two, south, they will supply you with funding, the quantitative specific associate's degrees or certificate program to actually use that at the time to get a nursing school, when we were stationed at Camp was during the year under my belt before we were, he actually transitioned out of active duty

: 17:16

for a short period. But I didn't want to go there years.

: 17:20

So the next day, I knew that like, as a military spouse, I wanted to get involved because I was so unhappy. I didn't feel like I had the friends that I wanted, and wake up the next active duty orders. We had our daughter Charlotte, we moved to Quantico, Virginia. I like got on Facebook, I found like every Quantico group available, I mean, even like the fire department and stuff like like they're, you know, ages a little crazy. But we actually did things in our neighborhoods, and they've come around like the banded Carol at Christmas and stuff like that. I just didn't want to be bored. I didn't want to be scattered, didn't want to be alert. So I reached out. And I got really involved in a group called stroller warriors. And it is actually it is worldwide. And we have various scripts throughout the world, not only Marine Corps bases, but army bases, maybe some air force bases, you get to like look it up to see where they are. But that have been he's a runner, but that, like, encouraged me to keep on going to meet new wives are so many things. And I'm just grateful for that group. Because I wouldn't I don't know. If I didn't have those people, I just would have been so sad being a spouse, they hung out with a baby. Yeah, that like, really encouraged me to do other things. So I got involved, we lived on base, so we're able to go to like storytime and then there's brochures all over base of like other activities, community service programs that support enhance operational readiness for the family. You just have to look for them. They're there. But you're never alone. That's for sure.

Jen Amos: 19:01

Can you repeat the name of the program to the educational program? Yeah.

: 19:07

So it's my ca so MYC a, okay. They'll pay up to $5,000 I think towards it has to be one of their specific programs, but to get your associate's in nursing, they would say up to 5000 for that.

Jen Amos: 19:25

Yeah, that's a really awesome resource. I'll probably share it in the show notes for anyone that's interested in doing that. Also, the stroller warriors sounds fantastic. And you can just go online and search if it's in your area is what it sounds like. Yes. And one thing I want to add is, you know, you mentioned that you just didn't want to be alone without your husband and just with the baby and I think the stroller Warriors is such a amazing thing to be a part of, not just for you, but for your daughter to to get socialization. I think big As if a child is, is isolated, I mean, now now you have two daughters, so they have each other. But I remember I imagined that it'd be a little more difficult if for a child to socialize if you don't surround them with kids their age. So no, I think all of those are amazing resources that military spouses can look into. And if they live near you, it'd be great for them to reach out and see if they can get in touch with you. So

: 20:27

yeah, totally. Yeah, I did want to also mention, I know, I feel like I had a ballot with a little bit of postpartum depression after my first because I just feel so alone. Military OneSource does offer the opera counseling, marital counseling, just regular counseling, we want to talk to you. And I feel like not enough people take advantage of these things, these opportunities that are available to you, but they are free. It's free if you're a military spouse, and so I wouldn't hesitate to reach out to them because they have been great. And also, if you get to their website, that you didn't PCs, you want to nurse, they will also help pay, transfer your professional license, and resell licensing and certificates. You know how to do that like state to state or whatever. I don't think a lot of people know that. But that would like to continue with their job. Yeah.

Jen Amos: 21:27

But you know, it sounds to me, the biggest resource was really the internet. Because you got to a place where when you're pregnant, you're like, I don't want to keep this going. I don't want to keep feeling alone. And so the first thing you did was you went online, you tried to find Facebook groups, and you found all of these resources, you're able to fulfill your needs, such as like socializing, and getting some help with counseling, and still getting an education and getting workout. I think that's all awesome stuff that our listeners would really appreciate. For hearing, I think as much as free stuff is out there. Like we're saying early on. Sometimes you just have to hear it through someone who is in the same circumstances you to really know that it's out there and seek it out. So and it's it sound like the inspiration for you to get out of those feelings of loneliness is everything is when you got pregnant. So you know what that said? It's sometimes we need something such as having about to have a child to break out of that right?

: 22:32

Oh, yeah, to be a good example for them, show them that there's more to just sitting in the house and being sad all the time.

Jen Amos: 22:40

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Well, Sara, I think we had an awesome conversation today, we got to learn a little bit about your life today. And you shared a ton of resources more than I not that I was asking to begin with, but I just I wasn't expecting. So I just want to thank you so much for doing that. For any spouse that has been in a similar situation as you and is maybe feeling lonely or isolated, or maybe maybe even just like overwhelmed with the resources available, and they don't know where to begin, do you have some closing advice for them?

: 23:17

I know it's hard to like step out of your comfort zone. But you really need to a little bit. And just know that all these all the spouses, they've been in your shoes, they know what it's like to be the new person. And I've met so many military spouses that would literally give me the shirt off their back, because they're just that nice, and they know what it's like to move to leave your family to be all alone. And just don't hesitate to reach out. People aren't as mean as you think they are. Or in your head, you think your neighbors aren't nice, but you'd never know unless you talk to them. My mom always told me in order to be a friend, or in order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. So in the back of my mind that's always in my head. So just reach out, just say, hey, just try to talk to someone. They're struggling just like you are.

Jen Amos: 24:08

Yeah, I mean, we're all struggling. And I think one way to step out of that struggle or to work through the struggle is to connect with someone else who is going through a similar struggle. So I think that is very sound advice, Sarah. And like I said, I just really appreciated our conversation today. In case our listeners want to connect with you and bond with you and learn more about you. How can they do that

: 24:34

Instagrams really the best way, but my email is on there as well. It's just chaos and kameez@gmail.com. And I'm happy to answer any questions, just to talk. I've been there too. So

Jen Amos: 24:47

yeah, I think it's always nice when someone messages me just to want to connect, I think yeah, I think we could do more of that. Just reach out and say hey, I noticed this in your profile and I want to talk to you about this. And that. Can you start a? I can be started with friendship. Oh, yeah, most

: 25:05

definitely. I actually have an Instagram bestie in Tennessee. It's funny. But I feel like if we lived in the same town, we would totally be best friends. And she's also a military spouse, which is kind of funny.

Jen Amos: 25:19

Very cool. Well, next time, if you'd like to be on a show with her to help relieve the nerves, you're more than welcome to reach out again, and we can have a conversation. Take it off an Instagram, take it off Instagram and take it on to a podcast show. Right. Awesome. All right. Well, thank you, Sara, so much for your time. I really appreciated having you today. For our listeners. If you did not get that information, the first time to get a hold of Sarah. No worries. That'll be in the show notes. That said, I want to thank you all for listening. And I want to thank you, sir. Again, once again for being on our show. And we look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Tune in next time.

Unknown Speaker: 26:04

Thanks again, Jen.

Jen Amos: 26:06

My pleasure.